During the height of the 2000’s some of the popular kids at school were talking about “dolphin friendly tuna” and that’s all they would eat. Now, as an 10-11 year old African in Europe I wasn’t 100% sure what dolphins or tuna were but “dolphin friendly” seemed the way to go.

Fast forward a few months later and there was a lot of talk about mad cow disease, foot and mouth disease in animals that combined with some ideas I’d probably picked up from all the books I used to read I decided to become vegetarian. Now again as an African in Europe how does one become vegetarian? I think I started refusing meat — not all meat but some. Then my dad found out and I think he demanded I eat it but I think he also asked for the reasoning and I explained the mad cow disease story — or at least that’s how I remember it.

I managed to avoid eating meat most of the time, but I had a deep love of the stir fry at the Chinese restaurant my father used to take us to but eventually I stopped eating beef. I usually say red meat but I do occasionally eat pork. Bacon was my favourite thing for the longest time even though I love pigs. I tried to give it up, I succeeded for a year or two.

By 2017-2018 I was at the height of my of vegetarianism. Veganism had failed but “no meat weekends” was great. Sometimes I would go the whole week without meat. But eating out? That was one of the biggest challenges along with eating at family or friend’s houses. I love veggie burgers but there’s always a delicious chicken alternative. I also love seafood — a lot.

I am no longer the little African girl with no real idea what tuna is and while I am still unsure about how I really feel about meat I will say these three things:

1. I sympathize with the animals. When I think about it too much, I feel guilty that we are eating them. But at the same time, I also love many meat dishes.
2. In Zimbabwe there are many dishes without meat. I wish people would embrace that instead of feeling like food is “less than” if it doesn’t have meat. Millions of people live their whole lives not eating meat — it’s not proof of poverty
3. I have an ongoing suspicion of meat. There are so many stories — some true, some completely ridiculous — the dog/cat meat in Chinese food, the horse meat scandal from Tesco, and the snails and frog legs that are taboo to me or any Zimbabwean but are delicacies in other places around the world

How do I feel about eating meat? I feel conflicted.