Life, relationships

The Misuse of ‘Narcissist’ and ‘Gaslighting’

Leave a comment

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

I know, I know thats technically a word and a phrase but I think that the last 2-3 years everyone has been dating a narcissist who was gas lighting them. I can’t be the only one who now cringes when a break up story begins with “the were such a narcissist, I know everyone says that but they actually were”

Don’t get me wrong there are narcissists and people who gas light others (full disclosure I’m still not sure I could explain to a third grader what both those things actually mean but I digress) but I just don’t think it’s everyone’s ex.

I think the word gained peak popularity when being used referring to Trump. My concern is always when non clinicians give a diagnosis on other people or when clinicians go on tv and give diagnosis on people they have not assessed. Now the assumption my be correct but I think it’s like when we google things and all roads lead to it’s probably cancer leaving out the crucial fact that you are not a doctor and are most likely not in a position to adequately diagnose yourself.

On the other side of the sectrum people lack all accountability to say hey may I dated an asshole and I was not in a space that allowed me to value myself enough to recognize that and leave them. Instead every break up default explanation is “they were such a narcissist” “I was getting gas lit all the time” I mean I’m no doctor but we can’t all be dating gaslighting narcissists right? And if we are then what are we actually talking about?

So yes that is a word or rather a diagnosis i think has been over used almost to the point it has lost significance, which i think actually takes away from those that may actually have been dating a narcissist.

Family and Friends, Life, relationships

Heartbreak – The Settle down Selections

Leave a comment

Last few years I’ve had my heartbroken, now I’m ok, I survived. 

To the friends that slowly stopped responding until it had been years since we spoke, my heart is always open for you. 

To the family members that let me down, some for the first time, some are repeat offenders my heart is broken.

Some showed me that maybe we are not as close as I thought and my wellbeing is not nor has it ever been their concern. I’m disappointed and our relationships will never be the same but I’m ok.

To the man I fell in love with so fast I failed to see I was standing out there alone I wish you well, because you promised me nothing. 

Life, T Style

Leggings and a t-shirt and some ballet flats – Lifetime outfit of a youngish black millennial

Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?
View all responses

If I was forced to wear an outfit over and overall again it would definitely be leggings and a t-shirt, preferably a v-neck. I don’t know if it’s implied but it cannot be sleeveless (I inherited my mother beautiful legs but that came with not so beautiful upper arms). I am also very obsessed with cotton so the t-shirt should be 100% cotton and as much cotton as possible in the leggings. The ballet flat can be leather or suede but if not a well supported vegan leather will also do.

As a curvy woman jeans have never been my go to so when leggings became fashionable in early 2000’s I instantly knew there was no going back for me. My default before leggings was a skirt/dress with tights but then came along the legging which could be casual, dressy and even a little sexy if you got the leather look correct. There was even those years when I was wearing the ripped leggings and let me tell you I have no regrets.

Another reason I would pick leggings is because as a yogi they are perfect for yoga practice as well as all other workout routines. I will say that they are not practical if you just come from a swim there’s a stick/wet factor that occurs but all other workouts go with leggings. I also find legging to be very comfortable when travelling.

I don’t think the t-shirt needs justification, I was a lover of tanks but the white tee is having a moment in my heart. So is the red and black tee but they are all just so comfortable.

The ballet flats, moccasins, pumps or whatever you call them are a staple for me. I remember seeing them in high school and wanting a pair sooo sooo bad but they were expensive so I had to wait. When I finally got some, someone at school made a comment about how they looked like “clown shoes” but they were wrong as were many other comments made about my fashion sense that I now see being called “slaying” or “giving” on Instagram. Yes mama I was ahead of my time with the sequin gold ballet flat but the world caught up.

If I had to wear an outfit over and over again it wold be black leggings, a red or white t-shirt and black or white leather flats because that pretty much what I already wear and feel the most comfortable in.

food, Life, T Taste

Lotion, bubble bath and good chocolate

Leave a comment

What’s the one luxury you can’t live without?

I will not scrimp on lotion, bubble bath or good chocolate. With lotion you know as soon as it hits your skin that this is causing more dryness than anything. With bubble bath there are no bubbles and with chocolate it just tastes like hersheys 😅😂.

I myself am more accustomed to the finer things in like like dairy milk, Toblerone, Jergens and any bubble bath that actually bubbles.

Although I don’t know if the items listed are actually “luxury” so maybe earphones. I can’t live without decent earphones.

Life

Bravery, empathy and humour

Leave a comment

What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

I have been reading and post Covid to an extent feeling the loneliness or rather isolation that was caused by having an excuse to avoid people and the for the last 10 years a device that allows you to ignore people even when they are around you.

This whole ideology of “I don’t need people” is a lie, we all need each other and I don’t know why but social media makes us feel like we should be ashamed to be true to our selves and embrace that. I’ll explain:

  • Be brave enough to message those people that you have on social media once in a while to ask “hey, do you want to go for a coffee?” And know that it’s ok if they say no, be brave enough to try again with another old friend
  • Be brave enough to show others that yes I’m in a relationship maybe it won’t work but I’m not going to live in defence mode because I may have to take the post down. It makes me think of that quote that was on my pen from Chapters “What if I fall? O but darling, what if you fly?”
  • Have empathy for everyone when you can. This can be that annoying co-worker that can’t seem to get it together, that very very very quirky friend or for yourself when you can’t seem to be what the world needs, expects or wants.
  • Finally humour is one of the most important things to a good life. We see it in the funny posts that we all share with each other. In those moments we allow ourselves to put our phones down we allow something funny to be said or to happen.

I think those three things are the most important elements to having a good life but I would be foolish not to mention that saving also helps in having a good life.

The joke is a little funnier when you have some money in your pockets, you can understand your co-worker a little better if your bills are paid and children are fed and there is no bravery on an empty stomach 😊

Happy Sunday

Tigere Tese – Black Political Theory