Category Archives: relationships

Seeing the “best” in people

Are you a good judge of character?

No I don’t think I am. I generally try to see the best in people and give people a chance but that results in not seeing what’s in front of me. I also don’t trust my instincts, I’ve met people with whom I’ve thought I don’t think we click but I always revert to maybe they having a bad day or I read them wrong when in actuality we don’t mesh and that is A okay. So no I don’t think I’m a good judge of character.

A Kiss In Joburg – On Love from Africa Selections 

“Why did you kiss me?” he asked.
“You kissed me,” I replied.
“Fuck you,” he retorted.

I looked out the window, smiling. He was driving me to the airport. I had spent the night at his house because Johannesburg is a dangerous place—especially for a Zimbabwean woman alone with too many bags and no access to Wi-Fi.

The plan had been simple: I would arrive in Joburg, and a driver from my hotel would pick me up from the airport. He would meet me later in a neutral place. We were just supposed to have drinks because I was in town. 

A lady has to maintain some decorum when meeting a man in a foreign country. But things didn’t go as planned. The free Wi-Fi refused to connect, and my phone wouldn’t make calls. I asked a woman nearby if I could use her phone. She agreed but warned me, “You shouldn’t be out here alone. Even I’m afraid to be out here alone.” 

I called him and explained that my phone wasn’t working and the driver hadn’t arrived.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked—not rudely, but in a “what’s the solution?” kind of way.
I asked if he could pick me up. He said he’d be there soon.

So I waited. It felt like forever. My mind started to wander, as it often does. What if he doesn’t come? Is this a good idea? We’ve only met once before this. Sure, we’ve talked on the phone, and I was introduced to him in Zimbabwe, but this is South Africa. Oh boy, how do I get myself into these situations?

Then he arrived—still as handsome as I remembered. He helped me with my bags and asked if I wanted anything to eat. I couldn’t help wondering where his car was. It must have shown on my face because he said, “Unoterwa nematsotsi if you use flashy cars at night.”

We decided it made no sense to go to the hotel—his place was closer. At least, that’s what he claimed.

He was Zimbabwean, handsome, and confident—he had told me he knew he’d already “made it.” Fast forward a year. We hadn’t really spoken since I got back home. He was upset that nothing had happened between us—sulking in that way men do, hoping to make you feel like you owe them your body.

Then, one day, I was scrolling through my phone and saw the news. Someone had been shot. The photo caught my eye. “Mmm, he looks like G,” I thought. I looked again, thinking, There’s no way. A quick search confirmed it: he was gone.

In my mind, when I returned home next, I’d planned to reach out to him. Maybe pick up where we’d left off—or finish whatever we’d been trying to start.

“Why did you kiss me?” he asked.
“You kissed me,” I replied.

Now, maybe we kissed each other. It’s hard to remember what really happened when one person is gone.

Exactly Where I am Supposed to Be

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

There are things that I constantly think I have to do, ways my life will go but even when the universe shows me it has its own agenda, I still plan and plan.

I have a journal that tracks my thoughts, that I should be able to use but I forgot it at home so I can’t see exactly what dream I had last year. Let me think, I think, I joked I would be at the Christmas market plus one but instead I will be at the Christmas markets plus one.

In the past year I’ve had some disappointments and some successes, but honestly I think 2025 was a very laid back year. 2023 and 2024 were emotionally exhausting. Yes I could have done more but I didn’t, I’m trying to move at my own pace and give myself grace for what I did do. So I’ll assess if my life today is what I pictured a year ago.

Family – I’m realizing that family is not a fixed thing, it evolves as you do. It expands and contracts. I didn’t think mine would grow from the ones I grew up with, but it did and come what may I’m happy about it.

Career – I think I’m coasting. I could do more but I have no real interest and in part it could be because I have not been bold. I have not asked for more nor have I taken any risks. I am slowly becoming fat off the hog or should I say complacent with my golden handcuffs?

Friends – I’m reassessing many friendships and wondering if they still fulfill me outside of thinking we have been friends for ages. But on the other hand it seems almost impossible to make new friends and any attempts in doing so are met with “let’s meet up” then never come to fruition. I’ve also found my self thinking do I actually like this person or do they actually like me?

Wellness – Emotionally I think I am better than I have been in a long time yet I’m physically failing. I am still walking Lolah everyday but the gym had been hit and miss.

Creative Pursuits – I have ideas, oh sooo many ideas but the execution is always delayed.

Am I where I thought I would be last year? Well I’m in the correct country, with the right person, writing this blog so no not exactly but I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

P.S. I worked out this morning so I know I’ll get back to peak wellness

First day as a Fiancé

Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.

My first day as a fiancée was uneventful with the exception of putting ring on and taking it off. Then doing the same thing over and over again.

I thought to myself argggggghhhhh. How long will I wait till I spill my guts? Turns out there are still people just finding out. I think I just wanted a moment to enjoy the moment without other peoples input, advice or thoughts.

It’s nice to have something to yourself especially on the first day, before the world puts it’s influence on it.