Tag Archives: Life

Health and Wellness

Walking and Swimming

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Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite physical activities or exercises?
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My favourite physical activities are swimming and walking my dog. I used to think I was cheating my dog when I missed her walks, but I have now realized that I wasn’t only cheating her — I was also cheating myself. Those morning walks with my dog help me get some steps in, which is really important for someone who sits while working or works from home. Now when I see my little dog’s face saying, “Let’s go already,” I also think to myself: yes, let’s go — We both deserve to go outside and get some fresh air.

Swimming is amazing because I love the water, but I always have to schedule it around my wash day. As a Black woman, it’s hard to go swimming every day because black hair is dry. Well, at least mine is. so swimming daily would probably damage my hair. I’ve figured out a routine that works: if I go swimming on Saturday night, I put in some leave-in conditioner and then I don’t wash my hair until Sunday afternoon. this allows me to go swimming twice a week and after my second swim I can just wash my hair and reset for the next week.

Life, relationships

Lying

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What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

We all tell little lies.

“I’m busy next Saturday I can’t go out with you”, when in reality we just want a night in or “No! You haven’t gained that much weight”, to avoid hurting a friends feelings.

Then there are what I call the “proper liars” you don’t realize it at first because you think why would someone lie about something like that? “My mother died” “I’ve been accepted in to a masters program” “I come from Finland”(random confessions of a shopperholic reference). I know these examples are probably to do with the persons self esteem or how they want you to see them but then I even knew a girl that lied she had been hanging out with my aunt and when I asked my aunt, she didn’t know who the girl was. Strange right?

It’s that ability to completely make something up, share it with someone knowing it’s a lie and there is no real reason to tell the lie, that raises a personality red flag to me.

See the examples I give are large lies but it never starts with the large lies it’s always little little lies that are not to spare feelings or get out of awkard situations, but they are to manipulate someone’s perspective. “O yes I went to the same school as you” but they didn’t. I think the lies aim to build a sinister foundation in a relationship or friendship or maybe to give a false sense of camaraderie?

But there can be no foundation or camaraderie based of lies.

Life, relationships

The Misuse of ‘Narcissist’ and ‘Gaslighting’

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What is a word you feel that too many people use?

I know, I know thats technically a word and a phrase but I think that the last 2-3 years everyone has been dating a narcissist who was gas lighting them. I can’t be the only one who now cringes when a break up story begins with “the were such a narcissist, I know everyone says that but they actually were”

Don’t get me wrong there are narcissists and people who gas light others (full disclosure I’m still not sure I could explain to a third grader what both those things actually mean but I digress) but I just don’t think it’s everyone’s ex.

I think the word gained peak popularity when being used referring to Trump. My concern is always when non clinicians give a diagnosis on other people or when clinicians go on tv and give diagnosis on people they have not assessed. Now the assumption my be correct but I think it’s like when we google things and all roads lead to it’s probably cancer leaving out the crucial fact that you are not a doctor and are most likely not in a position to adequately diagnose yourself.

On the other side of the sectrum people lack all accountability to say hey may I dated an asshole and I was not in a space that allowed me to value myself enough to recognize that and leave them. Instead every break up default explanation is “they were such a narcissist” “I was getting gas lit all the time” I mean I’m no doctor but we can’t all be dating gaslighting narcissists right? And if we are then what are we actually talking about?

So yes that is a word or rather a diagnosis i think has been over used almost to the point it has lost significance, which i think actually takes away from those that may actually have been dating a narcissist.

Life, relationships, women

Dear * Insert Favourite column name here* – The Settle Down Selections

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Daily writing prompt
List the people you admire and look to for advice…
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I am a 34 y old female (In this day and age I should say cis heterosexual female). I normally love listening  podcasts, reading and swimming but I met a man and he seems to take up all my time. I think of him often and I hate people that randomly sing but I’ve found my self listening to hours of music and sending him songs I think he may like. 

Dear *favourite column* when he starts to sing I join in (something I usually find very annoying) and the other day I was horrified that I not only recorded but proceeded to send him a voice note of me singing TO HIM! 😩

Please help. I’m not sure what’s happened to me. I’ve even started apologizing when I’m wrong, I’m never wrong but something about him makes me reconsider. 

Could this be what they call love?

With love from hater of musicals and all things too cute and mushy 

Life

My grandparents

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What relationships have a positive impact on you?

My grandparents relationships had a positive influence on me. I assumed it was a given that everyone would end up with their person sitting in the living room, talking and watching tv with their grandkids.

But once you grow up you realize it’s actually rare for couples to make it, to grow old together and even if they do then one passes away and leaves the other behind.

I know it’s easy to romanticize our grandparents relationships in the age of online, unlimited and international dating but they seemed to have marriage figured out a little more that us.