Category Archives: relationships

Health and Wellness, Life, relationships

So many small slights

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Are you holding a grudge? About?

I actually started reading a book about boundaries. I’ve had discussions with my sister and it has been communicated that I may let people “take the piss” once in a while. I’m holding a grudge about the treatment I have received from people I think should have cared more for and about me. I try to meet people where they are as I expect to be met where I am but even I sometimes feel like the WTF is going on here from my interactions with people.

I try to forgive but to be honest in the heat of an argument I think it takes me a lot longer than it should to let something go. Oftentimes, I give people chances who end up doing the exact same thing and if I was more religious I would justify it by saying no one is perfect and give others grace but somethings seem intentional to me. Some slights are on purpose or repeated because of the lack of concequencses.

My aunt posted a great meme it said have you ever forgiven and then gotten new information. That’s how I feel, that I forgive then inevitably new information comes forward. So to answer the question yes I am holding a grudge and honestly I probably won’t stop because why did you do that? Why did you say that? Why weren’t you there for me? But while going through the other posts I saw the following quote

“Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

Family and Friends, Life, relationships

First Impressions Matter – Or Do They?

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What’s the first impression you want to give people?

I’m a believer that first impressions matter but I also firmly believe that they are often inaccurate. When I meet people I want them to think I’m nice and hopefully funny. I find that humour makes any situation better.

When you first meet someone you have to be a little careful, they may not “get” you or your sense of humour. That can lead to a bad first impression.

I’ve met people that I thought I would get along with, yet after getting to know them my first impression was completely off. I have also met people who I thought eurghh but alas I was wrong, they turned out to be pretty great.

So I guess I would like to give people an accurate representation of who I am as a first impression.

Life, relationships

Lying

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What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

We all tell little lies.

“I’m busy next Saturday I can’t go out with you”, when in reality we just want a night in or “No! You haven’t gained that much weight”, to avoid hurting a friends feelings.

Then there are what I call the “proper liars” you don’t realize it at first because you think why would someone lie about something like that? “My mother died” “I’ve been accepted in to a masters program” “I come from Finland”(random confessions of a shopperholic reference). I know these examples are probably to do with the persons self esteem or how they want you to see them but then I even knew a girl that lied she had been hanging out with my aunt and when I asked my aunt, she didn’t know who the girl was. Strange right?

It’s that ability to completely make something up, share it with someone knowing it’s a lie and there is no real reason to tell the lie, that raises a personality red flag to me.

See the examples I give are large lies but it never starts with the large lies it’s always little little lies that are not to spare feelings or get out of awkard situations, but they are to manipulate someone’s perspective. “O yes I went to the same school as you” but they didn’t. I think the lies aim to build a sinister foundation in a relationship or friendship or maybe to give a false sense of camaraderie?

But there can be no foundation or camaraderie based of lies.

Life, relationships

The Misuse of ‘Narcissist’ and ‘Gaslighting’

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What is a word you feel that too many people use?

I know, I know thats technically a word and a phrase but I think that the last 2-3 years everyone has been dating a narcissist who was gas lighting them. I can’t be the only one who now cringes when a break up story begins with “the were such a narcissist, I know everyone says that but they actually were”

Don’t get me wrong there are narcissists and people who gas light others (full disclosure I’m still not sure I could explain to a third grader what both those things actually mean but I digress) but I just don’t think it’s everyone’s ex.

I think the word gained peak popularity when being used referring to Trump. My concern is always when non clinicians give a diagnosis on other people or when clinicians go on tv and give diagnosis on people they have not assessed. Now the assumption my be correct but I think it’s like when we google things and all roads lead to it’s probably cancer leaving out the crucial fact that you are not a doctor and are most likely not in a position to adequately diagnose yourself.

On the other side of the sectrum people lack all accountability to say hey may I dated an asshole and I was not in a space that allowed me to value myself enough to recognize that and leave them. Instead every break up default explanation is “they were such a narcissist” “I was getting gas lit all the time” I mean I’m no doctor but we can’t all be dating gaslighting narcissists right? And if we are then what are we actually talking about?

So yes that is a word or rather a diagnosis i think has been over used almost to the point it has lost significance, which i think actually takes away from those that may actually have been dating a narcissist.

Family and Friends, Life, relationships

Heartbreak – The Settle down Selections

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Last few years I’ve had my heartbroken, now I’m ok, I survived. 

To the friends that slowly stopped responding until it had been years since we spoke, my heart is always open for you. 

To the family members that let me down, some for the first time, some are repeat offenders my heart is broken.

Some showed me that maybe we are not as close as I thought and my wellbeing is not nor has it ever been their concern. I’m disappointed and our relationships will never be the same but I’m ok.

To the man I fell in love with so fast I failed to see I was standing out there alone I wish you well, because you promised me nothing.