Tag Archives: Dating

The Misuse of ‘Narcissist’ and ‘Gaslighting’

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

I know, I know thats technically a word and a phrase but I think that the last 2-3 years everyone has been dating a narcissist who was gas lighting them. I can’t be the only one who now cringes when a break up story begins with “the were such a narcissist, I know everyone says that but they actually were”

Don’t get me wrong there are narcissists and people who gas light others (full disclosure I’m still not sure I could explain to a third grader what both those things actually mean but I digress) but I just don’t think it’s everyone’s ex.

I think the word gained peak popularity when being used referring to Trump. My concern is always when non clinicians give a diagnosis on other people or when clinicians go on tv and give diagnosis on people they have not assessed. Now the assumption my be correct but I think it’s like when we google things and all roads lead to it’s probably cancer leaving out the crucial fact that you are not a doctor and are most likely not in a position to adequately diagnose yourself.

On the other side of the sectrum people lack all accountability to say hey may I dated an asshole and I was not in a space that allowed me to value myself enough to recognize that and leave them. Instead every break up default explanation is “they were such a narcissist” “I was getting gas lit all the time” I mean I’m no doctor but we can’t all be dating gaslighting narcissists right? And if we are then what are we actually talking about?

So yes that is a word or rather a diagnosis i think has been over used almost to the point it has lost significance, which i think actually takes away from those that may actually have been dating a narcissist.

Me

What have you been working on?

I’ve been working on being a better person. That has included accepting the bad, the good and the in-between.

It’s also just meant accepting that the vision I have of some perfect future me may never actualize and the existing version is just fine.

I’m considering what relationships still serve me, wondering why I hold on to the ones that do not. Wondering if I give people chances out of compassion or out of fear that I may need that grace in the future.

Fear has showed itself a lot in my quest to be better, I never thought there was anything I couldn’t do but I think as you get older life shows you that there is much to fear.

So I guess I’ve been working on the fear that this may be as good as it gets and acknowledging no accepting that’s ok?