Tag Archives: relationships

A Kiss In Joburg – On Love from Africa Selections 

“Why did you kiss me?” he asked.
“You kissed me,” I replied.
“Fuck you,” he retorted.

I looked out the window, smiling. He was driving me to the airport. I had spent the night at his house because Johannesburg is a dangerous place—especially for a Zimbabwean woman alone with too many bags and no access to Wi-Fi.

The plan had been simple: I would arrive in Joburg, and a driver from my hotel would pick me up from the airport. He would meet me later in a neutral place. We were just supposed to have drinks because I was in town. 

A lady has to maintain some decorum when meeting a man in a foreign country. But things didn’t go as planned. The free Wi-Fi refused to connect, and my phone wouldn’t make calls. I asked a woman nearby if I could use her phone. She agreed but warned me, “You shouldn’t be out here alone. Even I’m afraid to be out here alone.” 

I called him and explained that my phone wasn’t working and the driver hadn’t arrived.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked—not rudely, but in a “what’s the solution?” kind of way.
I asked if he could pick me up. He said he’d be there soon.

So I waited. It felt like forever. My mind started to wander, as it often does. What if he doesn’t come? Is this a good idea? We’ve only met once before this. Sure, we’ve talked on the phone, and I was introduced to him in Zimbabwe, but this is South Africa. Oh boy, how do I get myself into these situations?

Then he arrived—still as handsome as I remembered. He helped me with my bags and asked if I wanted anything to eat. I couldn’t help wondering where his car was. It must have shown on my face because he said, “Unoterwa nematsotsi if you use flashy cars at night.”

We decided it made no sense to go to the hotel—his place was closer. At least, that’s what he claimed.

He was Zimbabwean, handsome, and confident—he had told me he knew he’d already “made it.” Fast forward a year. We hadn’t really spoken since I got back home. He was upset that nothing had happened between us—sulking in that way men do, hoping to make you feel like you owe them your body.

Then, one day, I was scrolling through my phone and saw the news. Someone had been shot. The photo caught my eye. “Mmm, he looks like G,” I thought. I looked again, thinking, There’s no way. A quick search confirmed it: he was gone.

In my mind, when I returned home next, I’d planned to reach out to him. Maybe pick up where we’d left off—or finish whatever we’d been trying to start.

“Why did you kiss me?” he asked.
“You kissed me,” I replied.

Now, maybe we kissed each other. It’s hard to remember what really happened when one person is gone.

Lying

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

We all tell little lies.

“I’m busy next Saturday I can’t go out with you”, when in reality we just want a night in or “No! You haven’t gained that much weight”, to avoid hurting a friends feelings.

Then there are what I call the “proper liars” you don’t realize it at first because you think why would someone lie about something like that? “My mother died” “I’ve been accepted in to a masters program” “I come from Finland”(random confessions of a shopperholic reference). I know these examples are probably to do with the persons self esteem or how they want you to see them but then I even knew a girl that lied she had been hanging out with my aunt and when I asked my aunt, she didn’t know who the girl was. Strange right?

It’s that ability to completely make something up, share it with someone knowing it’s a lie and there is no real reason to tell the lie, that raises a personality red flag to me.

See the examples I give are large lies but it never starts with the large lies it’s always little little lies that are not to spare feelings or get out of awkard situations, but they are to manipulate someone’s perspective. “O yes I went to the same school as you” but they didn’t. I think the lies aim to build a sinister foundation in a relationship or friendship or maybe to give a false sense of camaraderie?

But there can be no foundation or camaraderie based of lies.

Heartbreak – The Settle down Selections

Last few years I’ve had my heartbroken, now I’m ok, I survived. 

To the friends that slowly stopped responding until it had been years since we spoke, my heart is always open for you. 

To the family members that let me down, some for the first time, some are repeat offenders my heart is broken.

Some showed me that maybe we are not as close as I thought and my wellbeing is not nor has it ever been their concern. I’m disappointed and our relationships will never be the same but I’m ok.

To the man I fell in love with so fast I failed to see I was standing out there alone I wish you well, because you promised me nothing. 

Bravery, empathy and humour

What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

I have been reading and post Covid to an extent feeling the loneliness or rather isolation that was caused by having an excuse to avoid people and the for the last 10 years a device that allows you to ignore people even when they are around you.

This whole ideology of “I don’t need people” is a lie, we all need each other and I don’t know why but social media makes us feel like we should be ashamed to be true to our selves and embrace that. I’ll explain:

  • Be brave enough to message those people that you have on social media once in a while to ask “hey, do you want to go for a coffee?” And know that it’s ok if they say no, be brave enough to try again with another old friend
  • Be brave enough to show others that yes I’m in a relationship maybe it won’t work but I’m not going to live in defence mode because I may have to take the post down. It makes me think of that quote that was on my pen from Chapters “What if I fall? O but darling, what if you fly?”
  • Have empathy for everyone when you can. This can be that annoying co-worker that can’t seem to get it together, that very very very quirky friend or for yourself when you can’t seem to be what the world needs, expects or wants.
  • Finally humour is one of the most important things to a good life. We see it in the funny posts that we all share with each other. In those moments we allow ourselves to put our phones down we allow something funny to be said or to happen.

I think those three things are the most important elements to having a good life but I would be foolish not to mention that saving also helps in having a good life.

The joke is a little funnier when you have some money in your pockets, you can understand your co-worker a little better if your bills are paid and children are fed and there is no bravery on an empty stomach 😊

Happy Sunday

Dear * Insert Favourite column name here* – The Settle Down Selections

Daily writing prompt
List the people you admire and look to for advice…

I am a 34 y old female (In this day and age I should say cis heterosexual female). I normally love listening  podcasts, reading and swimming but I met a man and he seems to take up all my time. I think of him often and I hate people that randomly sing but I’ve found my self listening to hours of music and sending him songs I think he may like. 

Dear *favourite column* when he starts to sing I join in (something I usually find very annoying) and the other day I was horrified that I not only recorded but proceeded to send him a voice note of me singing TO HIM! 😩

Please help. I’m not sure what’s happened to me. I’ve even started apologizing when I’m wrong, I’m never wrong but something about him makes me reconsider. 

Could this be what they call love?

With love from hater of musicals and all things too cute and mushy